Too Late to Change?

I started counseling again in January 2021. No, not me counseling others; rather, me being counseled. It has been many years since I have been on the proverbial “couch,” 21 years in fact.

I am a retired 67 year old male, a heart patient who has to watch his glucose levels, take his pills every day, and get his afternoon nap almost every day. I have been married 45 years, have two delightful children in their 30s, and the finest wife a man could have. But . . . clearly I still need outside help.

But why, you ask, after all these years? Isn’t there a point at which someone elderly just needs to say, “This is just the way I am!”

I have heard that said many times, as I’m sure you have. But no . . . it’s never too late to change.

Clearly, I have learned much in my life. The trouble is most of what I’ve learned has been information, and not things that greatly advance my relationships with others. My shyness hides a sense of superiority and judgment, and many of the caustic thoughts in my head never make it to the surface for others to see.

So, I am back in therapy, journaling my deepest thoughts and shining a light on my greatest weaknesses. And you know what?

It doesn’t bother me to air my dirty laundry (in front of a friend of mine, no less). That’s one thing that age and experience have given me: a confidence and assurance that no matter how dark and sinister some of my thoughts may be, hiding them only gives them a power I do not want them to have.

You see, even at this age, I do want to be better, and do better. I do not want resentment and fear to have the final word in my life. No indeed. Honesty has always been, and will continue to be the key that unlocks the door to freedom.

Turn that key.

I haven’t blogged since the fall of 2020, and I’ve wondered why I’ve seemed so “dry” as a writer. I have been officially retired for a year (come June 7, 2021), and I thought I’d be writing avidly all during this time. But viruses and other issues took their emotional toll on us all, and I was not the exception I thought I was.

I’m not saying, “I’m back! Full speed ahead!” I am just saying, “I’m on the therapist’s couch right now.” Resumption of blogging is pending. You will have to wait and see just like me.

In the meantime, if you have some personal issues . . . don’t sweep them under the carpet. Get up, get in your car, go into the therapist’s lair and lie down on that couch. It just might give you the freedom you’ve been looking for. And deserve. No matter your age.

About ivanbenson

I am a former singer, guitar player, writer, story teller, voice over talent, and a current heart attack survivor in the Atlanta, Georgia area.
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7 Responses to Too Late to Change?

  1. ivanbenson says:

    Thanks for reading, commenting, and . . . identifying with me. Glad to be on the journey with you.

  2. Noel says:

    Glad to hear that I’m not the only one😂😉. The old song “He’s still working on me” seems cheesy but so insightful at the same time. I, too, am learning to let go of some things that I’ve hidden away, hurts, anger, unmet expectations, and am learning to move forward as a complete and whole individual. It makes me happy to hear that none of us is alone and we progress in this journey, even with the few years ahead that you have on me. Much love to you and yours.

  3. Suzanne says:

    Thanks for sharing!!

  4. ivanbenson says:

    Thank you, my dearest!

  5. Jonathan Sartain says:

    As someone who has been in and out of therapy for years (even before the pandemic hit and that’s been really hard on everyone’s emotions), I’m glad you are seeking the help you need to move on with your life. It’s good to hear from someone who’s been around the block a few more times than me that you never need to stop growing and improving. I’m praying for you and I hope you get the healing you are looking for through counseling.

    God bless,

  6. Monica Benson says:

    I’m so proud of your honesty and courage!! I applaud you, my dear husband and friend!

    Sent from my iPhone

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