A week ago I found myself googling to find the meaning behind the numerous memes on Facebook with the simple words, “Me too.” The answer appeared quickly, of course. The numbers of persons expressing identification with the experience of sexual abuse and molestation grew each day to a staggering number.
I wasn’t surprised. If you’ve lived any length of time in this nation as an adult in recent years, and have shared openly with others about early sexual experiences in life, or even just paid attention to the news, or bothered to read a book on the subject, or watched a documentary or two about social/familial issues, or . . . (if you’ve just been conscious at all) you have been aware that the phenomenon of sexual molestation in its many forms has become a thread woven tightly into the fabric of our modern enlightened society.
From time to time there is an outcry regarding this that receives media attention, and for a bit we focus on the issue, watch and/or listen to newscasts about it, or discuss it on talk radio programs.
Such was the case earlier this week as I listened to Tom Ashbrook on NPR, interviewing an expert on the subject, taking phone calls from women who wanted to express their feelings on national radio and give guidance to others who had experienced sexual violation at some point in life, as a child, or as an adult.
One caller suggested that men ought to get with their female friends and listen to how this kind of thing affects them; another said that men ought to get with other men and discuss how they can better treat women and not exploit them.
I have no objection to those ideas. Except that . . . that’s not likely to change a thing!
We talk out of both sides of our mouth in this American society. We promote free speech. That is, until it is offensive to us. [Then we don’t want to allow hate mongering radicals to speak on our college campuses]. We balk at the notion of creating/enforcing laws that ban pornography, and we fight vehemently for the rights of adults to have the freedom to choose their own particular “poison” (so to speak).
When sexual abuse comes into the media stream we create programs that highlight the exploitation, and garner support for groups that help strengthen those affected. Then we go home and turn on the TV and watch Game of Thrones, and we further embed in our minds the very notions that contribute to the perpetuation of the abuse we decry.
We cannot have it both ways!
And yet, we try. We stand for freedom in the extreme. Because we are afraid we cannot pronounce a proper moral edict, or define moral boundaries for others. The masses no longer seem to agree on right and wrong, and so we are an impasse.
If we truly want to reduce the amount of rampant sexual abuse in this country we must first of all realize that when we pronounce an action WRONG or PROHIBITED, we must by necessity buttress the moral pronouncement with matching laws, attitudes, and instruction in our society, and in our individual homes.
If our adult entertainment has no boundaries, and we fight for the rights of adults to choose for themselves carte blanche, then we cannot expect what entertains us to never appear in reality. Human beings reflect exposure. That’s why PTSD is a real problem, and not just something those wounded by it are told to simply get over.
Our society is laced through and through with sex: sexual innuendos, sexually themed entertainment [have you been to a country music concert lately?], sexually oriented advertisements, sexual comments made by political figures, allegations of sexual misconduct in the news, sexual humor, etc. Can you expect that a young man growing up in the midst of all this, watching cavalier sexual behavior on TV and in the movies, being introduced to the notion that anything that smacks of strict laws and mores that govern appropriate sexual conduct is prudish . . . can escape the temptation to engage in, experiment with, or fully embrace the identity that “Me Too” victims call sexual predator?
“No rules. Just right!” Maybe this is more than just an Outback motto.
When my rights violate your rights we tend to quickly say, “That’s out-of-bounds.” But when my rights create a place in my mind for the fermentation of evil thoughts/desires which may eventually violate your rights, no violation has occurred. [I have a gun, it is loaded, and I am watching training video after training video on how to shoot and kill women. I have even pointed it at several woman. But I haven’t pulled trigger. Yet!]
Are you comfortable with that?
No big deal, right? No harm, no foul! Really?
Ladies! If you have been the victim of sexual molestation, I am so sorry. Band together with others who have been hurt, support one another, talk to your male friends and encourage them to learn to see you as a person instead of an object. But know this: the tide of sexual abuse will not be stemmed until a major part of our society can agree upon more restrictive boundaries of sexual freedom, a more conservative definition of inappropriate entertainment, and the implementation and enforcement of more conservative laws that govern sexual behavior.